From the Archives: Blencoe Redistricting Plan Leaked

From 2021:

Plans Leaked for Blencoe Redistricting

A discarded napkin at the New Cooperative grain terminal seems to indicate plans for a new division of the townships surrounding Blencoe.

An area of approximately 80 acres would be carved out of the existing Sherman Township to create "Tammy Township."

An incoherent source said the plans would also prompt an additional seat on the Monona County Board of Supervisors. 

The seat would tilt the composition of the BoS from three reasonable people to three reasonable people and one zealot.

 

Trump Deploys National Guardsman to Blencoe

 

President Donald J. Trump has deployed a National Guardsman to patrol Blencoe, Iowa.

"I'm taking this step today to put down the protests and violence in one of Monona County's most beautiful cities", said the President. "In addition, I've lowered the price of corn by 1500 percent, maybe even more!"

The troop, Private Harry Harrison of the Iowa National Guard arrived from his home in Sioux City Monday evening and established an outpost in what he refers to as the "East 40".

Private Harrison says he finds the deployment stressful.

"There's no place to get food in this town, no hotel, no bar, and the heat and humidity are terrible!  I can't even find a place to go to the bathroom!"

Local farmers plan to advise Harrison on rural bathroom practices.

Trump Claims Win at Golf Tournament: Fires Organizer

 

President Donald J. Trump has declared victory at the Chamber of Commerce Golf Tournament on August 1 in Onawa, Iowa.

"There's never been a round like this before in history!" declared the President.  "Nobody's ever seen anything like it before!"

The President continued, "The early reports of some Minnihan group winning were fake, and I've directed Homeland Security to seize those scorecards and deport them!"

Trump has also ordered the immediate firing of the leader of the local Chamber of Commerce, while announcing "Join me for Chamber Coffee this Friday at Mar-a-lago!"